anger

I'm not sure why, but lately I'm having very real anger issues.

I mean, seriously? I'm not 15. What's going on here, anyway? I'd really like to figure it out. What IS it that's got me so tied up? I wish I knew. I wish I could say I was even close to knowing. Honestly, the only thing I know for sure is that I'm very unhappy in just about every aspect of my life.

I guess part of it is that I'm just so disappointed. I see myself as a failure. A product of a failed system, there really is nothing glimmering anymore. I wish I could say this was quiet (or boisterous, even) desperation, but really it's not. I'm not depressed. I'm not depraved. I'm not even tired. I'm just finally seeing it all with fully opened eyes.

Is this really all I've become?

Been a while...

I guess I've wanted to update. I just didn't figure I had anything worthy of whining about. At least...not to the general intarwebz publix. Anyway...

I just finished two months with a personal trainer. It pretty much changed my life. I eat completely different than I used to. I'm about 10 pounds lighter and a size or two smaller, including the sisters, but hey, win some-lose some...I'll consider it a WIN. EPIC. They've been crowding me out for a while now anyway. Damn ignorant bitches.

So, I've been trying to decide which direction my life is taking me lately.

And I've come up with...swirling the doldrums.

My compass seems to be broken. It just keeps spinning. Normally this wouldn't alarm me, but I've been fixing said instrument & realigning said navigations for the better part of two years, this voyage. I'm beginning to think I've gone round the bend. Perhaps there is no fixing this damage. Perhaps I shall just embrace it with every quivering fiber of my blackened being.

The Muse has left me, I'm afraid.